September 18, 2002

tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight

Yet another entry where the title will probably have little to nothing to do with the content...

Mid-college crisis yesterday. Got really, really depressed all of a sudden at my life on campus. I feel like I have no outside life from my job as an ra. The job just completely sucks the free time away: RAW's, RCR's, HSM's IR's, all the damn acronyms that create deadlines and mountains of paperwork. I'd had a couple of rough nites on duty, can't go into details, but I actually had to document 2 things on a Monday night...usually those are the quietest. It had gotten to the point that I was nothing but a glorifed dorm mother/policeman - responding to things going wrong, instead of helping people do right.

At training every year, they pound it into us that a lot of the helpful stuff we do as ra's won't show in college; it may show after, or it may not. Still, its nice to hear "thanks Matt" from that clueless freshman who needed your help and sought you out especially. Like I said, I was too caught up in doing the "limit-setting"/policeing stuff that the "thanks matt" moments disappeared.

Compounded with that was the growing distance I'm feeling from groups of friends. I can't dedicate hours and hours in their rooms anymore: my schedule won't allow it. My friends now live five minutes up the streets in the apartments. I can't drop by every night and hang out for hours upon hours.

I miss that.

This had really gotten me down. I went back to my room after class and dropped my books down and just kind of watched tv in a depressed daze.

A floor meeting that night saved me; people enthusiastically came and participated, from all three floors. It all got a bit better; the light at the end of the tunnel suddenly appeared. I still have to work out a lot of things with my friends, but I hope... I hope theres time.

After the meeting, I came back to the room and read for 5 hours; having to complete both "Becoming a Man"," and ""the Nibelungenlied" by 2pm and 6pm. Finally made it to bed around 3:30. Up at 12 today. Classes were okay. Tongiht was good; it was just a bad day yesterday, it seems, I hope.

The weekend was okay. Hung out with people on Saturday night after singing at Karaoke. Got a haircut (FINALLY) on Sunday.

That pretty much sums it all up; its been a tough and long week, and its only Wednesday.

Posted by Matthew at September 18, 2002 11:13 PM
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