And so, the semester ended not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everything on my part was finished by last Sunday evening. I spent the week with nothing to do but sit around, play Halo, and worry. I mainly chose to sit around and worry...worried about everything it seems. Grad school, people who are leaving this semester, lack of social life, lack of plan and direction in life, short sighted opportunities that didn't turn out as I had hoped and planned...
I was a wreck...broke down in the Union actually on Thursday, I think. My breaking point was when I saw this - an obituary and notice of services for an old friend that had died in Iraq. Tom was a friend of mine from when I lived in Millville. He was a couple of years older. He and I spent the better part of a couple of summers building this incredible fort on an open lot - we dug out a pit, threw in wood and piping, and it was a paradise. We fought the kids of the neighborhood for control of the fort and usually won with the dirt bombs. We built this really cool "roller coaster" that was really just a series of wooden pallets that one would drive over with a bike. We built it up with hills and all the random wood that we could scavenge making it as bumpy and random as possible. Tom was also my most memorable babysitter, despite lasting only one visit. On that one night my sister, Tom, and I had a watergun fight inside the house, getting water all over a lot of walls. That night was the premiere of a music video on MTV that he was dead set on watching. The video, which I'll always remember, was "November Rain" by Guns N' Roses. I had never heard of them before, but watched with him, and grew to love that song, and the incredible movie-like quality of that video.
I hadn't talked to Tom in a couple of years and I had heard about his death over Thanksgiving. Still, I was sitting in Backstage reading the Inquirer, and his picture in the obituaries section finally hit me and I was broken up for a couple of days. The memories kept coming back and repeating.
So the week ended with me being distraught. Right now I think that I'm doing a lot better. I'm home, which is always good. I've talked to a couple of people, which has helped immensely. I'm keeping busy with both the GRE's on Tuesday and work starting on Thursday. Wednesday, I'm joining Brendan and a bunch of people to do a LOTR marathon - watching Fellowship and Two Towers (extended editions on DVD) and then ROTK at White Marsh that night. Its going to be a really good release from the test the day before.
Other than that, I'm trying to meet up with people while I'm here.
I guess the week did end on a positive note though...a bunch of Masque types went to dinner on Friday Night at the Spaghetti Warehouse in Philly. I had a great time with everyone, the food was excellent, and the conversation steered to usual topics - ranking pirates vs. Ninjas. vs. zombies...
I feel really random right now, but I guess thats where I am right now. I'm focused on the GRE's right now, which is tiring, but good to be focused. I've had a lot of downs in the last week and a half, and a lot of ups. I think that might be the best anyone can say, really, I mean...how do we really know who we are or where we're at? I'm just trying to get by.
Like everybody else.
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain