November 29, 2002

home, pt 2

Good news all around today. The first thing was, of course, not waking up with a missed deadline to worry about. That really opened the day up.

Next, was obviously that it was Thanksgiving. A day dedicated to being thankful for all that you've been blessed with, so celebrated by sitting around watching football after stuffing your face.

Although it was more than that this year: My grandmother, aunt Lynne, Uncle Henry and Aunt Laura all came down, and brought the newest member of my family: my cousin Matthew. Its the first time that I've seen him; he was adopted a few weeks ago, and is only about 6 weeks old. My adult memory doesn't record many holidays with babies running about. He's cute, and I was asked to be the Godfather for him at the Christening in January.

The good news continued when my Alma Mater, Calvert Hall, beat Loyola in the 83rd annual Turkey Bowl, 21-10. From what I saw in highlights, it was a good game. (forgive me, but sitting in a stadium in 25 degree weather didn't seem to interest me this year.)

Finally, I was able to find 2 books in the online card catalog at my sister's college (20 minutes from here) that I should be able to use to finish my term paper for Harty. I have the 2 same books on Interlibrary loan at La Salle, but the request is due to time out on December 1st. I will not fail that class! YAY!

This break feels like its been a profitable one thus far, but no play has presented itself to me. It will come. I am sure. the Thanksgiving mood, I present, "What/Whom I'm Thankful For This Year: (a very partial list)
...Mom, dad, chris, baba, nana, all my aunts and uncles, cousins, all the friends, the masque, the internet, towson university library, cajh staff team, community development, lasalle university, young playwrights, cronin, kling, mcguiness, bertucci, harty, theater, english, communication (as a major), pat conroy books I haven't read, eugene jolas, extensions to deadlines, fun, the spirit of bohemia, art, chc, magrogan, motsay, 4 years of teachers there, 2 moves (and counting), philadelphia, larry kane, writing, self-expression, twain, thoreau, robert fulghum, footloose, assassins, nunsense, triumph of love, how to succeed, midsummer, young love, love, unrequited love that dare not speak its name, shannon, aymee, teresa, vicki, rachel, lisa, st. hilary, st. jerome, st cassian, st albert, st denis, st. bernard (however pronounced), st denis, st george, brian, dave studio 56, mike, angie, dave, tom, graham, improv, jess, computers, cicala, imperato, st john baptist de lasalle, lasallian volunteers, peace, rock and roll, emo, cdrom drives, 10/100 ethernet cards, fountain pens (the cheaper the better), classes without exams, classes in general, creative writing classes, teachers who understand, parents, the toyota camry, dan rodden, tom clancy, thomas wolfe...

and the list could go on for a hundred pages, and then even more.

thank you.

Posted by Matthew at 12:25 AM | Comments (0)

November 27, 2002

at home

I'm home for the holiday after driving here last night, still confused at the common idocy of drivers on the road today. I spent the day finishing up my paper for my American Autobiography as Literature course; its complete now, all 3200 words and 10 pages.

I'm worn out from writing it all out, so this will be short. I'm looking forward to a relaxing break before going back to La Salle for the last week of classes. I need to get another play out during the break (my other 2 were written over Thanksgiving) and possibly work on my term paper for Medieval Lit, which is due next Wednesday (the books had better get here through Interlibrary Loan by then...)

So, have a Happy Thanksgiving all.

Posted by Matthew at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)

November 24, 2002

on the closing of a show...

Cast & Crew of for Full Resolution Image

The Cast and Crew of Footloose, La Salle Masque November 2002
Click for Full Resolution Image

\E*phem"er*al\, a. 1. Beginning and ending in a day; existing only, or no longer than, a day; diurnal;
as, an ephemeral flower.  2. Short-lived; existing or continuing for a short time only. 
``Ephemeral popularity.'' --V. Knox.
Sentences not of ephemeral, but of eternal, efficacy. --Sir J. Stephen.
"What I Did For Love"
Kiss today goodbye, 
The sweetness and the sorrow. 
Wish me luck, the same to you, 
But I can't regret 
What I did for love, what I did for love. 

Look, my eyes are dry.
The gift was ours to borrow.
It's as if we always knew,
And I won't forget what I did for love,
What I did for love.

Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember.

Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love.

"The two happiest days in a theatre person's life: the day a show opens, and the day the damn thing closes." -- unknown

"Just remember: It's only community theatre until it offends someone... then it's ART!" -- Scott R. Bloom

"...allow me to explain about the theatre business.
The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on
the road to imminent disaster."
-- Shakespeare in Love

It's over.

The role that I originally didn't want, and then grew to love is over. The show that I walked into with optimism that grew to loathing (at the incredible innanity of the script and dialogue) and then finally ending with an acknowledgment that, hey, maybe the show isn't as bad as it all seems.

It was an incredible run: I've never seen the theater as full as it was, coming VERY close to a sellout last night. I've also never felt as helpless and distant from a cast and crew during a run as I did: one can direct in rehearsal, but its generally frowned upon to yell at people flubbing lines during an actual run.

I had so much fun that I can't describe in words...met so many interesting people...I think I learned some stuff as well too, or at least I hope I did.

It was a fantastic success.

and I can't believe that its over.

(OK: Side note. I have about 10 megabytes of images from the show that I'm trying to put somewhere that people can get them...FTP problems and server issues have kept this from not happening yet. So, keep an eye here, I'll post the links here when they get done. If anyone can't wait, IM me and I'll send the directory to you that way.)

Classes are going surprisingly well. Prof. Kling gave me an extension on a paper until this Tuesday, which bailed me out tremendously. After this week, I believe that the majority of the semester is over work wise. Theres a presentation that my group has to give on Tuesday to Brother Mike's class, which has to get done at some point, but shouldn't be a big problem. We're discussing my story tomorrow in workshop in Fiction Writing, for which I have absolutely no nervousness right now.

I have so much work to do this week, but then it will all be done.

Thanksgiving can't come fast enough...

This is for you Brian:

That's Brian and Lauren. They're my biggest fans. Brian has even put up a site parodying mine. BLOG IT!

Posted by Matthew at 10:51 PM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2002

I'm a Pina Colada, discover

I'm a Pina Colada, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!

Posted by Matthew at 04:10 PM | Comments (0)

November 13, 2002


Despite what anyone else will tell you to the contrary, Footloose is ready to open on Friday...its coming along well.


Trust me, please.

Posted by Matthew at 12:58 AM | Comments (0)

November 10, 2002

How BLACK are you?

How BLACK are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at

Posted by Matthew at 01:18 AM | Comments (0)

November 07, 2002

njal, i hate you...

The band sounds incredible for Footloose. Everything sounds a lot more polished with percussion behind it, and the dual guitars really round out the rest of the sound. Even without vocals, it sounded really good: this was the first time that the band has played together, another good sign.

I'm concerned for the well-being of the cast. It seems that everyone is extremely stressed. We all need a morale booster, something to give us some hope for the next week. Althought I haven't seen it firsthand, I've heard people are at each others' throats: this concerns me . I want to do something, but feel completely helpless...


Procrastination seemed to be today's mode of operation. A paper on an Medieval Icelandic Saga, called "Njal's Saga" was due during my night class. It was put off last night, and was put off hour by hour today. Its still not done; I have about 2 pages of 5-6, and don't know where its going.

Life is about the upward swing, I guess. I've been busy these past two days, which has helped my mood quite a bit. Talked to the parents tonight, which was great, because I needed some encouragement from someone.

Other than that, not much going on.

Posted by Matthew at 02:09 AM | Comments (0)

November 05, 2002

That last entry is a

That last entry is a tad melodramatic...

I'm okay; It was 2am when I wrote it, and was tired, and needed a good night's sleep. I'm doing okay, better today with 8 hours of sleep and stuff.

Its been a really good morning.

Posted by Matthew at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)

emotional tirade / more

In my life, no matter what the situation, I've always been told or told myself to stop dwelling in the self-pity, to get over it, move on and be happy..."...everyone else is fighting a harder battle." The benefit has been propulsion forward and the ability to quickly cope with situations that have disappointed me.

I feel lately though, that I haven't been able to get over stuff and be happy; that theres a growing disconnection that seems to keep getting worse. I do as I've always been taught, always been told: go to class, get involved, spend time with people...but nothing really changes. The disconnection grows; self-pity mounts, and I spend more time depressed.

Disengaging from people only makes it worse; re-engaging doesn't help. New engagements don't feels like my problems always fall to the side, that others are more important, that I have to be the strong one, the funny one, the one whose life exists only outside the group.

This is painful to write, and I don't feel like I'm exaggerating it, although any translation from what I feel into what I write feels exaggerated and phony in some way; I guess (hope?) that it is a curse as a writer.

I don't know. I feel happy most days, or more to the point, I feel engaged most days, and this emotional muck doesn't bother me. When the engagement ends - whether it be job, theater, writing, family, friends, whatever - the muck enters.

In high school, when asked what I wanted to do with my life, I always said that I wanted to be that technical adviser that people came to when they needed something done. I fear that thats what I've become, and only that:t people only come by when they need something, not to just be around me. I'm tired of seeking people out only to be ignored in return.

I've heard this "emotional drivel" (not really, its more my mood talking...) from other people, usually in LiveJournals (note: this is not meant to anyone in particular, as it seems to be a universal phenomenon - which in itself is slightly comforting) and I just want to slap the person and show them the good in their life: that it is truly worth living, and that whatever black hole you're trapped in is temporary...

...I read what I've written and I remember the other people's stuff and I want to slap myself. Is it a valid concern or is it my self-pity emotional muck climbing to the surface again?

I'm caught in the cycle again, and I need to drift off to sleep.


"Writing Aloud" was fantastic. I became the Pat Doran fan club when nobody realized his connection to La Salle...he did a fantastic reading of a short story relating hurricanes to the marital fights of a husband and wife.

The show is...the show. What I've seen is fantastic, if only it would stay the same between two rehearsals. The actors are trying their hardest, and Louis is trying his hardest, but theres something between them both. And I'm in the middle: caught in the middle between seeing the good in the actors and seeing the deficiency from what Louis wants...the whole curse and cycle and muck...see above.

There is so much work that lies undone for this week, but I lack the initiative to do any of it right now.

"Just wait until tomorrow,
Tomorrow they'll all climb aboard!
Look on the bright side-
Trust in tomorrow-
And the Lord!

Posted by Matthew at 02:06 AM | Comments (0)

November 03, 2002

highlights / low times


  • Shook Ed Rendell's hand on Wednesday.

  • A really great Friday night with Mary, Colleen, Mike, and random movies

  • A great Saturday night with Shannon, Lisa, and Rachel (even with duty!)

  • Still passing everything

  • No class on Monday

  • Running Rehearsals without Louis

  • Apple Cider

  • Random visit from MT!

  • Random visit from John!

  • Clean clothes after laundry tonight

  • Meeting with Dr. Cicala, giving hope to my job

  • Water fights

  • Louis' return

  • Mid-term portfolio feedback in Fiction Writing

  • Prospect of directing a play for my Honors Project

  • A class schedule with Mondays and Fridays off.

Low times

  • Distancing from the Masque that I can't help

  • Losing YET ANOTHER Masque election

  • Halloween night

  • Weird noises from the basement boiler room

  • Showers without hot water

  • Consistent Writer's Block

  • This weird suspension thing with my car that I can't figure out

  • A "C" on my journalism Sports article on La Salle's 46-0 loss.

  • The writing due this week.

So there it is in a nutshell... Why does, even though there are more highlights then lows, it feel like the low times are ten times as potent?

Some of those lows still sting...

Its been a quiet night even with duty, and I'm off to bed.

Posted by Matthew at 02:45 AM | Comments (0)